How to Choose Friends and Build Life-Long Relationships

What qualities would you want in a friend? Some people want friends who are fun to hang out with and have a great sense of humor. Sure, those are great qualities, but what if life changes that person and they're no longer fun or has a great sense of humor? Would there be anything of substance left between you two? Most likely not and your phone calls and visits will become more infrequent until years go by and you can barely remember each others' names or what each other looks like. If you want friendships that will stand the test of time, keep reading for qualities to look for in friends.

Perhaps most importantly, you should consider whether the person is trustworthy. This is someone with whom you may share the most private details of your life regarding your romantic relationships, family members, finances, employment, medical challenges and habits. You should only confide in people you can trust to give you sound, honest advice and people with whom you feel confident will not reveal private details of your life with others.

You should consider whether the person is reliable. When you plan to meet up for dinner and other events, does this person consistently show up on time or are they chronically late or a no-show the majority of times? When they assure you they'll help with tasks such as cooking the main course for your party, do they come through with everything as promised or do they go ghost and put their phone on automatic voicemail for a couple days or weeks afterward? If you loan them money and say you need it paid back in a timely manner, do they pay it back or do you have to keep reminding them of the debt, and still not get repaid? Someone who consistently shows you such indifference doesn't respect your time or feelings and isn't worthy of your friendship.

You should consider whether the person may be using you for their own self-gain and enrichment. For example, if you're connected with people in the entertainment industry and your friend has some type of talent and wants to get discovered, pay close attention to how much time your friend spends asking you questions about who's who in Hollywood and how they can meet them versus spending quality time doing activities with you.

If this person habitually stays unemployed and broke, pay attention to how often they ask you to borrow money, give them favors and outright pay their bills. Whether they repay you or not, they may not consider you anything more than their walking checkbook. Ask yourself, if you ever needed to ask them for a favor, could you trust and rely on them to you? If your answer is no, you probably need to rethink this so-called friendship.

When someone new is trying to befriend you, they may pretend to admire and respect you while hiding their true feelings and intentions. In reality, they could be jealous and envious of you and what you have, and only want to be in your close circle to watch your downfall. Or it could be someone who wants to lure your spouse away, and they're only keeping in constant contact with you to learn your spouse's likes and dislikes and to be in your spouse's presence. Pay attention to how often your prospective friend spends asking about other people instead of focusing their attention on your relationship.

Pay attention to how people treat other people. Whatever they do to others will be done to you if they feel you've stepped out of line or no longer serve their purpose. If your friend always wants to gossip to you about other people, rest assured they're gossiping to other people about you when you're not around. If your friend is rude and aggressive toward other people, you'll feel their wrath whenever they feel disrespected or threatened by you, whether real or imagined.

Some people say that opposites attract. It's a cute saying, but would you want friends who are the polar opposite of you? Can you have good productive conversations with people who can never see things from the same perspective as you? Even the most tolerant open-minded people reach a breaking point at which they become tired and disgusted with unnecessary drama. Would you want that dynamic to be the norm in your friendship and put all that unnecessary stress on yourself? If so, good luck. Keep your bottle of Tylenol ready.

No two people think alike and it would be unrealistic to think anyone in any relationship, whether romantic or a platonic friendship, would agree on everything. Consider your personality type versus a potential friend. If you're quiet, calm and introverted, would you want a friend who's loud, argumentative and outgoing? If you're thoughtful and sentimental and like to give and receive gifts and compliments, would you want a friend who's a rude, self-centered narcissist who never has any kind words to say about anyone or anything? If you're an honest, hard-working law-abiding citizen, would you want a friend who's dishonest and likely to rob a bank or freely commit other crimes? Never lower yourself to meet anyone's standards.

Just be careful whom you choose to call your friends. Make sure you're a good friend to others, the same as you would want for yourself. Rather than making a list of the qualities you want in a friend, it may be easier to make a list of the qualities you don't want and make sure you keep anyone who meets that criteria out of your circle.

Written by Lady T